The First Step to Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage follows a predictable pattern. Awareness of how it shows up in your life will help you recognize it when it does show up so that you can take action to nip it in the bud as soon as it shows up. The first step in this is to think back to previous times you’ve self-sabotaged in your life, then figure out what point you

typically began to indulge in self-sabotaging behaviors and uncover your triggers.

For example, you’ve had a crush on the barista at your local coffee shop for months, and you always chat every time you go in to grab a latte. One day, they ask you on a date, but you freeze and come up with an excuse to get out of it. What happened?

Somewhere in that exchange, you were triggered. Perhaps as soon as your romantic interest began showing interest back, your brain didn’t understand how to comprehend that new information. If your “reality” up until now dictates that you aren’t worthy of love, but suddenly you receive information that contradicts that reality, and your brain sends signals to fight against that cognitive dissonance -- or discomfort of the new and unknown -- and brings you back to familiar thoughts and patterns. Perhaps this means that you detach and become uninterested, suddenly afraid knowing that your relationship is moving forward and could ultimately fail.

Think of self-sabotage as a misdirected form of self-love. Your brain is moving you toward self-sabotaging behaviors because it thinks that it’s protecting you from hurt and danger – when in reality, it’s also holding you back from your full potential.

Fear is an emotion most of us prefer to sweep under the rug instead of working to confront head-on. One step you can take to face your inner fears head-on is to journal. Next time you realize that you might be partaking in a self-sabotaging behavior (procrastinating, delaying, picking fights with loved ones), take a moment to ask yourself, ‘What am I scared of?’ and ‘Why is that scary?’ Then ask yourself, ‘if that worst-case-scenario happened, could I handle it?’ Finally, ask yourself, ‘does this fear outweigh my desires?’

Once you’ve taken these steps and actually taken time to consider the situation head-on, the fear inside you loses a little bit of power over your psyche. Repeat this activity as needed in order to train your brain to ease out of old thought patterns slowly. ​

Remember, I'm always here to help, email me your questions about self-sabotage at Toni@DrToniCamacho.com. And click here to listen to this week's radio show (scroll all the way down the website to play the show from the list of shows)

See you next week,
​Toni